The Unfiltered Spot

Episode 104: Messy

Dray & Jack Season 11 Episode 104

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0:00 | 53:50

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This episode is giving MESS, marriage, money, culture, and controversy! 😂

We’re talking:

💔 Is there really such a thing as side-piece etiquette?

💡 When your baby daddy won’t stop the lights from being disconnected…what now?

🥡 Can a Chinese restaurant be Christian-based?

💄 The marriage makeup kit debacle nobody saw coming!

🎓 And why are bonnets and durags causing controversy at Tuskegee University?

No topic is too messy, too random, or too controversial. That’s why it’s Unfiltered! 🎙️🔥

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Jack - https://www.facebook.com/share/1KxBtXujmG/?mibextid=wwXIfr 

SPEAKER_03

And we're back with another episode. Why are you trying to start an episode before me?

SPEAKER_01

Because I don't like it. I don't like it. Because I know how what you were going to say.

SPEAKER_03

Episode 104. Welcome, people. Welcome. I'm your girl Dre.

SPEAKER_01

This is your boy Dre.

SPEAKER_03

Nope. I said.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, you said You were supposed to say, I'm your boy Jack.

SPEAKER_03

I had mixed it up. I didn't catch it.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't catch it. I didn't. It's okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I'm your girl Jack.

SPEAKER_01

I'll be Jack. You won't be Jack, Jack.

SPEAKER_03

That's Dre. And we're back with another episode. How you been doing, Dre?

SPEAKER_01

I've been doing good, especially today.

SPEAKER_03

Dre, go ahead and silence that phone that was over there making all that tingating ting ting noise.

SPEAKER_01

Ting ting.

SPEAKER_03

Now, what happened today that you sold in a good movie?

SPEAKER_01

T T O.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, pay time off.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, buddy. Preparing the others. Yes, I ain't gonna be here. Saw me a movie today.

SPEAKER_03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01

Had me some sushi, and I went to run some errands.

SPEAKER_03

I'm a little salty that I was not on the sushi date with you.

SPEAKER_01

I told you to come home. You act like you ain't wanna see the movie.

SPEAKER_03

Well, some of us had to actually work.

SPEAKER_01

Oh. Hey, come back to being a low key.

SPEAKER_03

Why is the dog laying up on you? He don't care nothing about you filming right now. He is like, yeah, I need a hug. I don't understand. This bromance that y'all got, it's weird. Big fella. Anyways, so Dre.

SPEAKER_01

What's up?

SPEAKER_03

I'm curious to know.

SPEAKER_01

What are you curious to know?

SPEAKER_03

Do you have a curious to know question?

SPEAKER_01

Do you have one for me?

SPEAKER_03

I don't.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03

Hold on, let me think. Let me see. No, I don't. Because the two I got are kind of wet.

SPEAKER_01

Well, okay, well, let's hear them anyway.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I'm curious to know, what's a song that you know that would surprise me?

SPEAKER_01

Nothing. You know all the songs. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

That's what I was about to say. This this one was kind of like, eh, I know all his songs.

SPEAKER_01

Like Oh, well, I don't have a curious to know if that's what's a curious to know.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, give me your curious.

SPEAKER_01

I was gonna say, is there anything about me that you would change? Move Loki.

SPEAKER_03

Uh Loki, off. Is there anything I would change about you?

SPEAKER_01

Be it physically, be it uh emotionally or whatever.

SPEAKER_03

You have some hoarding tendencies that I would let go of. Yeah. The fact that you got like clothes from high school is crazy.

SPEAKER_01

Uh actually, I threw all of them away, so I no longer have clothes like.

SPEAKER_03

You used to have clothes from high school, so now you got clothes from college.

SPEAKER_01

I know I have one or two pieces.

SPEAKER_03

You got a suit in there right now.

SPEAKER_01

But not like I used to be.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but you still have hoarding tendency. You don't like to get rid of stuff.

SPEAKER_01

I don't. Because in my mind, I feel like one day I'm gonna need this again.

SPEAKER_03

But you're never gonna. If you don't need it in 30 days, you don't need it.

SPEAKER_01

You never know.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And see, that's not me. I am one person that um throw it away. I don't want it. No, yeah, I can't do that. If I ain't used it in 30 days, if I haven't used it in six months, I don't need it in six months.

SPEAKER_01

I still got emails in my inbox. Okay, so emails are different. 15 years ago.

SPEAKER_03

That's digital device. It's not taking up space in my residence.

SPEAKER_02

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

If it's taking up space in my residence, my thing is, are you gonna use it in three months? Are you gonna use it in 30 days? Are you gonna use it this week?

SPEAKER_01

You never know.

SPEAKER_03

If those answers are no, or depend upon those answers this week, you never know.

SPEAKER_01

I don't need it in my bedroom. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

I might but you you you do know. There, again, there is a suit in there right now. I promise you it's a 34. You you don't I don't know this. I love it.

SPEAKER_01

I know I ain't got no 34 suit in there.

SPEAKER_03

And I love your physique. You're not going back to a size 34. Oh. You don't even look like a crackhead.

SPEAKER_01

Damn, that is 34. That was that had to be college then.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, it was college. It's a world. Why we still got the suit? Donate it to somebody. Goodwill. Any anybody, really. So yeah. Um things you're looking forward to in the next couple weeks? Uh don't tell me. The cruise. Vacation. We know. We know. You already know what you're already out of here. So today, guys, I have a couple mini topics that I am gonna hit and quit, and we'll see where it takes us. Do you know who Michael Irvin is? Yeah. Who is he?

SPEAKER_01

Uh he's an ex-football player, played for the Dallas Cowboys.

SPEAKER_03

I'm glad that you know that because I didn't know who he was, but I did know his story.

SPEAKER_01

What's the story?

SPEAKER_03

Michael Irvin has moved his side piece in.

SPEAKER_01

Oh boy, he's tough.

SPEAKER_03

To his house.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, he's tough.

SPEAKER_03

Now, at first I said, oh, well, if the wife agreed to this, he got a side piece. Let's go on. But here's the story, y'all.

SPEAKER_01

What's that?

SPEAKER_03

The wife is sick.

SPEAKER_01

Like, sick, what you mean?

SPEAKER_03

Like, I think they said she got Alzheimer's. Like, she got a memory problem.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

She don't remember. Your wife is sick with some type of deadly illness, and you got the disease fatal? I believe so. Yeah, I mean, you keep withering until you wither away.

SPEAKER_01

So what is he supposed to do?

SPEAKER_03

I mean, can you not respect her to wait until she's gone?

SPEAKER_01

God, I mean.

SPEAKER_03

And then my question was like, well, did y'all have an agreement? Maybe they had an agreement. Like she told them, don't wait. But even if I told you not to wait, like let's say I got Alzheimer's of dementia, and I'd be like, you know, Dre, but move on with your life. You young. I want you to be happy. My next sentence would be, but don't move her in my house. You're gonna have to go, she's gonna have to have her own house. Go to her house. Because I'm downstairs and she upstairs. I'm upstairs and she downstairs. What this there's gotta be some side piece etiquette here.

SPEAKER_01

When you have Alzheimer's, do you have it like all the time? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I think no. Okay, so my father had dementia. And there were moments when when he first was diagnosed, which is like phase one, I guess you would say, he he had some good days and some bad days. Good days where he remembered everybody's names. He could quote stuff, he remembered a lot. As the disease progressed or the illness progressed, he had more bad days than good days. And then there were some days he didn't remember anything. So I call that stage five.

SPEAKER_01

And what does bad days look like?

SPEAKER_03

Bad days, I don't know who you are. I might not know who I am. I don't remember what happened yesterday. You done told me like a thousand, like my dad in the end, used to call me my sister. He used to hit on me. He didn't remember I was his daughter, he didn't know who he was. It was very sad and very confusing. And so I don't know what stage his his wife, Michael Irvin's wife, is at, but I'm just like, not you move the side piece in the house.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that that's that's that's kind of disrespectful. I don't think I I would do that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I just like golly. Even if if you have been given that that go-ahead, I don't know if I would feel comfortable, like, you know, I'm taking care of you, but I'm gonna run back upstairs and talk to my side piece.

SPEAKER_01

Like, right.

SPEAKER_03

What?

SPEAKER_01

And like you said, unless they have some type of agreement or arrangement.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. But I think even, and I'm speaking just for myself, my arrangement would never include you moving her in while I'm still living and breathing. Like, you gotta, is she gonna you gonna have to rent a room or you gotta go to her house? Don't come up in here.

SPEAKER_01

But what if she's your caregiver?

SPEAKER_03

She would never be my caregiver. Your side piece can't be your wife's caregiver. And why not? She ain't getting ready to kill me to try to get at you.

SPEAKER_01

Girl, you already about to, she's about to go on up out of here.

SPEAKER_03

Well, let me go on my own terms. I don't need nobody to take me up out of here.

SPEAKER_01

No motive to kill you.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, she would. She said, You take it too long. I'm gonna get you there faster. Yeah, my your side piece would not be my caregiver in nobody's. Would you let my side piece be your caregiver? He's gonna come in there and wash your balls for you.

SPEAKER_01

Why would I have a car? And fix your medicine. Why would I have a dude's uh caregiver?

SPEAKER_03

Why would I want a woman caregiver? I give me a caregiver, it's just a caregiver.

SPEAKER_01

I would I think most women would prefer a woman caregiver over a dude caregiver.

SPEAKER_03

There's some there's some guy caregivers though.

SPEAKER_01

No, I know I know there there are, but I think women would prefer women.

SPEAKER_03

Maybe they would. But maybe when I get old, maybe I want to see a young Tinder on, especially if you done moved on with your arrangement.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah, but yeah, in no world would a dude want a dude caregiver.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I understand that. Um, but I just for this, even if there is an arrangement, I just feel like bringing her into the house is a no-go. Like wow. All right. Another scenario. So now I was driving home, had the kids in the car, and um, what's his name? Dio Hughley had this scenario on his show. And the lady was like talking, and she was so serious. So she said she is a single mom who is married. Oh, okay, here we go. I ain't a single mom and so she had a baby by a man, and they are no longer together.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

So she is a single mom.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

Who recently got married to another man.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

So the kid is not her husband's son.

SPEAKER_01

They called it a single mom.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, maybe he ain't he ain't the daddy, but that's how she introduced it.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

She's a single married, she's a single woman who recently got married to somebody who's not her child's father. Her lights were getting ready to get cut off at her house. She called her baby daddy and asked him, could he give her the money to turn the lights back on or get the lights out of?

SPEAKER_01

Is that the house that she lives in with her husband?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, sir. And the baby daddy said, absolutely not. And she went off and was pretty much like, so you're not willing to take care of your son or to help me out because you know he lives here. And the baby daddy was pretty much like, that's your husband's house. That's your husband's responsibility. If your light's getting ready to turn off, get turned off, call him. Now I'll gladly come pick my son up and bring him to my house while y'all work through whatever financial struggles y'all have it. Of course, she said, no, blah, blah, you're not gonna pick my son up, he's been here. And then she brought this on the DL Hugley show to ask the viewers their thoughts. What's your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01

I'm with the daddy. Why? Because like that, so whose house, regardless of who, I don't know if it's the man's house or her house. You are married. What I mean, I get that this is his child, but I'm not about to be paying your bills. I'm not doing that. You are married. You tell your husband your light bill is due. Why he ain't doing that? That's crazy work to me.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. So now let me ask you this. What if she wasn't married? So she is truly what we consider to be a single mom. She was standing there and she lives in a house by herself. You as the baby father, would you pay for her lights to not get cut off?

SPEAKER_01

Probably so, yes.

SPEAKER_03

Why?

SPEAKER_01

Because that's my baby mama. I feel like everybody, unless they had like a crazy relationship or whatever, and it ended ugly. Well, I don't really like you. I feel like any dude has, you know, like that's my baby mama, I gotta look out for.

SPEAKER_03

So now, just to be clear, I completely agree with you on both scenarios. Girl, go go take talk to your husband about it. Right. But I guess my next question is is what if she really said or she had presented, like, yes, I married, but he don't have it either. He lost his job. What is what's your next thing?

SPEAKER_01

Uh I probably would, no, I wouldn't. I would be like, dude, well, let me get my child. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

Nothing wrong with what he said. Like, I'm not in a position where I can pay for, or I'm not in a position where I even want to pay for your lights to get cut back on because I am no longer in a relationship with you and you have a husband. Yep. But what I do feel comfortable with is picking up my child and bring them on to my house while y'all figure that out.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we got lights over here and food.

SPEAKER_03

Not lights and food. So many callers were calling in, talking about how he needed to get over his hair.

SPEAKER_01

I bet you they would be women dumb. I said that women.

SPEAKER_03

You need that. You need to help him out.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my God.

unknown

Help me.

SPEAKER_01

What you mean?

SPEAKER_03

The husband? Now, for the record, I just gave all those scenarios. The husband had a job and all the things. So I'm like, if the husband has a job, why can't he pay to get his life out?

SPEAKER_01

And I get it, you sympathize with women because they are women, I guess.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know, but no, it's not that you sympathize. I'm a woman, and I don't sympathize with her story because that's not his position.

SPEAKER_01

What?

SPEAKER_03

We're not in a relationship with him and stop. I really hate the fact that she was like, oh no, you're not coming to pick up your son. So you ready to let your son struggle in the dark?

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

Then let him go stay with his daddy because you the daddy would pay for your life.

SPEAKER_01

That somebody you married to protect and provide for you can't pay a damn bill. Yeah. And women and talking about, oh my God.

SPEAKER_03

When I tell you, I was too through. And Dio Hugo was too through as well. He was like, I don't, I don't understand what's happening here. Y'all not making sense.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, let me let me get my child. You know what? I'm a call search uh social work called on that. Let me get on to the porch. My baby over there in the dog ain't got no lights on. My baby over there in the dog. And he got, yeah, come come with daddy.

SPEAKER_03

And here's the here's the thing that I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_01

And all the way, if you're one of these women that uh siding with this lady, please uh write and call in and tell me why, cause none of this makes sense.

SPEAKER_03

So I actually had somebody who told me if they sided with her.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

I brought it up at work.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

And they said I don't understand why he wouldn't pay.

SPEAKER_01

I already know who it is he is.

SPEAKER_03

And so this is what I did. I had to flip it. Sometimes people don't see it. Let's say your child lives with his father. And I ain't even gonna say he ain't got no light. His water got cut off. You gonna let your child stay over there? Are you the woman gonna pay that man's water bill? So if he has sold custody, because there are some dads who have sold custody of their child, would you pay his light bill or his water bill? Would you put groceries in his house? All these things that you're now requiring of him because you're a woman. Would you require that of him? Like you're gonna pay this?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Or would you say, you know what? Bring my child back to my house where it's stable at. You know what she said?

SPEAKER_01

What?

SPEAKER_03

I would say, bring my child home. So how's it any different?

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

I think my eyes are a little more open now that I have boys that I feel bad almost for men because y'all get so much of the take care of me, take care of me, take care of me.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Who takes care of y'all? Like, and I get it, that's the position you're in, whatever. But if the shoe is on the other foot and nobody's willing to save you, then why is it expected for you to save other people?

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Nobody's coming to save you, boo. And just because you laid down and had a baby with such and such, maybe you shouldn't have had that baby.

SPEAKER_01

Who is this at word, Jack?

SPEAKER_03

Child, you know I'm on this podcast. I can't be giving up the tea like that.

SPEAKER_01

Is it the person I'm thinking it is?

SPEAKER_03

I don't know the person you're thinking of.

SPEAKER_01

No. Oh, it ain't. Oh. No. But I really want to know who it is now.

SPEAKER_03

After I proposed the switch of room on them, they kind of understood it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm like, I get that men are naturally the providers. Like, that's what we kind of expect of you guys. And we should probably do a podcast on like how do you feel as a man, sometimes having that whole weight on your shoulder. But then there's the flip side of that, because as a woman, there's also a weight that's on my shoulders. It's not a financial weight, but it is a house manager weight. And I honestly believe they carry the same amount of weight. And so you remember we were going to church and they always talked about Pastor David to say it's not equal giving, it's equal sacrifice. I believe the sacrifice be the same. And so sometimes I have to remind myself, this is going off topic a little bit, you know, the same weight that I carry as being the house manager is how you feel being the financial person, like the protector, the I've got it, the provider, and all those things. But I just told her, I was like, I don't understand how how, and you're not even, she's not even a bitter baby mama. She's not even in a bitter baby mama situation. So for you to be like, oh yeah, I expect him to pay my light bill, why? Because you mismanaged your money and you have a husband.

SPEAKER_01

Like that makes no sense.

SPEAKER_03

If you mismanage your money, first of all, it's your responsibility to figure it out. And then two, if you're married, it's your husband's responsibility to help you figure it out. Why would you call your baby daddy?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You said no to him, or he said no to you. So there's that. All right, Dre. I'm working you up for the big one. So I already know what you're gonna say. Somebody at work thought that this would be a great topic, and it is the person you're thinking of.

SPEAKER_01

Somebody made a post on social media and it said, you know, in search of S O I S O Yeah, look that's so they're looking for something, and they looking for like people to comment where you can go get it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

So here's the scenario. You on your Facebook right now and you see in search of and they say Christian-based Chinese restaurants. What you go say in the comments?

SPEAKER_01

I I hate them. I they was I hate them. I hate the black Christians. I can't stand them. I can't stand y'all. Jesus Christ, I can't stand y'all. They look for wet jack.

SPEAKER_03

I can't even breathe. Oh gosh. When I tell you, my coworkers say, I don't even know where he's gonna talk about this.

SPEAKER_01

Stand on my case. Stand on my case.

SPEAKER_03

When she sent me that post, and a post said, in search of Christian-based Chinese restaurants. And I said, are there Christian Chinese people?

unknown

Because what?

SPEAKER_03

Wait a minute. I mean, it's somebody for everybody, everybody. But why do Christians do this? And so it sent me on a tangent. Are you ready, Dre? Do you know there are groups that are like Christian-based yoga programs?

SPEAKER_01

I can't stand that.

SPEAKER_03

Christian-based blah, blah, blah. What the hell is a Christian-based yoga program? So you mean to tell me, as a Christian, you can't just go to a regular ass yoga class?

SPEAKER_01

Do we know the person who asked for this?

SPEAKER_03

Well, yes, you know the person who asked for your comments.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no. Do we know the person who said in search of?

SPEAKER_03

Oh no, they were actually in California somewhere. Because I done went down on page. We don't know the people.

SPEAKER_01

I really need people to wake up. I really need people to wake up. So the people that are Christians, it's because their area was colonized. Asia, for from what I understand, was not colonized. So they don't practice that. They don't practice that. They do not practice that. I think they are. Hold on. They are in the United States.

SPEAKER_03

According to the stats, 92% of people who identify as Asian descent are Buddhists.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

92%.

SPEAKER_01

See, that's Asian. If you go to China specifically, the country, most are atheists. And if they are not atheists, like you said, they practice uh Buddhism.

SPEAKER_03

And do you know that Buddhist is not an actual religion? It's a way of thinking. So like the monks, they say that it's not, or according to ChatGTP, it's not an actual religion. It's a way of thinking, a way of higher being. I don't know why they categorize it like that, but maybe what we consider to be a religion, it would be a religion. But they said it's a way of thinking.

SPEAKER_01

But anywho, I'm just thinking I think because like does Buddhism have a deity that they worship?

SPEAKER_03

Many did. Hold on, wait, hold on. I might be getting confused. I stand corrected. We're gonna have to look it up if I get the line by these folks too.

SPEAKER_01

But yeah, but Christian-based Chinese reasons.

SPEAKER_03

A Christian-based Chinese. And so in the post, somebody asked, like in the comments, somebody asked her, What specifically are you looking for? And so she commented under there, and the lady was like, Every time she goes to Chinese restaurants, she'll see, you know how sometimes they have their little altar with the uh the Buddha, and they'll have like fresh fruit and incense or maybe a candle. And she was like, I don't want to go to no Christian restaurant where they are serving another God. I want a Christian restaurant that sells Chinese food. Ma'am, what? If somebody in the comments said, if you don't go on in there and just fry your pizza chicken and mind your business, what?

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

A Christian-based Chinese, I have never heard of such. Yeah. And I've heard of a lot. I've heard of a lot of foolishness from the Christian community. And some of it I agree with, but what? So my good coworker said that they had to hear Dre's thoughts.

SPEAKER_01

And I said I hate y'all. I hate y'all, black Christians. I hate y'all. I hate y'all. I hate y'all.

SPEAKER_03

I told them to strap their seatbelts up because when they hear the comment, it's gonna be exactly what they expect. So I hope you got what you expect.

SPEAKER_01

And a lot of it is they they don't know. So I I'm not coming to uh God, I I hate to be so harsh because they don't know. I remember when I was a Christian, like you that you don't know these things because you don't go looking for the answer. You it is because what you what you think. You've been taught and you've been indoctrinated. So I I mean I get it, but God will write a one shot.

SPEAKER_03

Yesterday I sent you, I think it was on TikTok, all the videos. It was the 20 versus the one. I think it might have been an Instagram, because I didn't go on TikTok yesterday. You didn't see them? We'll talk about it next episode then. Because you gotta see it to understand it. Um let's see. I had put what is this crazy Chinese marriage makeup kit. So I'm gonna have to go to my photos because I probably screenshotted it and see what the heck was I talking about because I was trying to jog my memory about something. Dre, do you have anything while I'm looking for this topic?

SPEAKER_01

Uh no, this is all on you, J.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my god, I found it. Oh now, Dre, I'm asking you what would you do in this scenario? Are you ready? Last night, my marriage was shaking up over a makeup kit. But anyone looking from the outside would call me crazy. My husband came home from his company luncheon ecstatic. It was an employees-only lunch. And he was drawn as the winner of a super supreme, no, a super premium skincare makeup kit. It was expensive, and I don't know what she tried to say there. It was expensive and complete, is what she said, but I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

The kind of treat any woman would love to give it. Oh, like all the fixes, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So you know, like he probably drew a number because it says he was drawn as the winner. So he and that was the prize.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

A makeup kit. Now, naturally, what did you say?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Ew, I'm a man. I want a makeup kit. So there it goes. The kind of treat any woman would love to get.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

But what did he do? He simply looked to the side and handed the entire prize over to his female co-worker. It didn't stop there. He told me this laughing, proud of his own generosity. And to top it off, the company took a picture of the two of them together, smiling with the gift, and posted on their official profile for everyone to see. I hate y'all.

SPEAKER_01

I hate people.

SPEAKER_03

The perfect husband making another woman's day. While he was posing for the photo and playing the gentleman, I sat at home, taking care of our son, cleaning the house, preparing his dinner, exhausted. My eyes filled with tears instantly. The feeling of being undervalued was so violent it took my breath away. Not for one second did I cross his mind. The existence of his own wife was completely erased this event. He preferred the smile and gratitude of his coworker oath of his coworker over mine. He preferred the social applause of being the nice guy. When I confronted him, the worst part came. He told me I was being dramatic and crazy. He said it would look bad for a man to accept a makeup kit in front of everyone. And he couldn't refuse the moment. In other words, his ego and what others would think mattered more than my feelings. Now there's this photo that's out there for the internet. Everyone is praising his kindness. Well, I'm here swallowing my tears, and rage is eating me up on the inside. He says it's just silly jealousy to me. But to me, it was betrayal of consideration. I feel awful and guilty for feeling so much anger, but I just cannot forget this moment.

SPEAKER_01

Punch her in the throat.

SPEAKER_03

Why are we punching her in the throat?

SPEAKER_01

But well, let me let me ask this. And you probably don't know because you can say, is she a makeup person?

SPEAKER_03

I don't know that.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. So this this is what if if I won a makeup kit and you were a makeup person, I'ma keep the makeup thing and give it to you.

SPEAKER_03

I would because Why would you keep the makeup thing?

SPEAKER_01

Because you are a makeup person.

SPEAKER_03

But even if I wasn't you and keep it off the sheer fact that I'm a woman?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_03

Why?

SPEAKER_01

Because you don't use makeup now.

SPEAKER_03

You don't fix shit around this house. But am I gonna give the tools to the next one?

SPEAKER_01

But you do.

SPEAKER_03

But we're not talking about me. You don't fix anything, and I want some tools at the moment.

SPEAKER_01

Make sure be used at the house.

SPEAKER_03

Makeup can be used at the house. By who? The person who wears makeup. You know what?

SPEAKER_01

No, we talk about in our situation.

SPEAKER_03

I use makeup every day, Dre. What you put on? I put on eyeliner, eyeshadow. Some days I do foundation now. I do blush every day. I do lip look. What are you talking about? Oh well. So, Dre, let me tell you this. Because it's a teachable moment. I don't care what prize you get drawn, if it's a female prize, the first thing you're gonna explain, because this is how he could have got out of this. He would have got it and said, Oh man, a makeup kit. And if it wasn't like a white elephant where you can swap, great. But if you stuck with it, your next comment was, this is gonna be great for my wife. I don't give a darn if you if she can't you send it shit home with her.

SPEAKER_01

That's some bullshit. That's some bullshit. Why is it bullshit? I'm here all ears. That's crazy. If I know that you don't or wouldn't like the thing that I just won, why not? I don't understand that.

SPEAKER_03

If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be fine with me giving a man that?

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. I mean, if you are, you are no tools, because we use tools, but if it's something that I don't care about. So, but here's the thing. She's probably got makeup at home and all of that. I think one, she kind of kept going back to the picture of them. So it's the optics of it. And she mentioned, I'm at home taking care of your son, who sounded like an infant. So you got a woman at home taking care of your baby. She's probably not feeling her best. She's probably a little overwhelmed. And you just overlooked her to give something to like I never crossed your mind. And then the picture makes the illusion of, I'm not with him. He's out enjoying life and work living. He's working, but he's enjoying life. She's at home getting spit up on, changing diapers, washing clothes, fixing dinners. I'm tired. And the least you can do is bring me a damn flower. The least you can do is bring me a little eyeshadow. And you sit up here on social media with this woman like she your damn mistress. I'ma just say, I understand what she could be from.

SPEAKER_01

I don't understand that.

SPEAKER_03

Women are from Venus, men are from Mars, however, the same girl. We do think different. And there's nothing wrong with thinking different.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm trying to think, let's.

SPEAKER_03

I I can't think of what it would be, but there is a scenario where you would be looking at it. That's what I'm thinking. I'm sitting right here, my guy. It's almost like, oh, you got a gift card to Jersey Mike. And I'd be like, well, I don't eat Jersey Mike.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no. You don't use Jersey Mike. Use what's the one that I don't like with the hard subs?

SPEAKER_03

Jimmy John.

SPEAKER_01

Jimmy John.

SPEAKER_03

But no, because you can't, it's gotta be something that you would use. Because she obviously would use that.

SPEAKER_01

That's what I'm saying. If if she would use it, then he's wrong. She would use the makeup kit. That's what I'm saying. If she would use so that's what I'm saying, I agree with her. Like I agree with her for a different reason. Because she don't some bullshit. But if that's something that she could use, I was that's what I say, I would bring that home to you. But if I know it's something that you wouldn't give a damn about, you can have it.

SPEAKER_03

Now I will say this. Dre knows me. I'm very practical. So let's say if it was something like what? What's something that I don't use at all?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. But it gotta be like for girls?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Or just something that I don't use. I don't know, but if you brought home something, I would be looking at you like, why the hell did you just bring me this?

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I want it at work. Exactly. Right. Now, would I have said you should have just dated your co-worker? Probably not, but I would have been thinking it. Like, why the hell would you bring this thing? I don't want this shit.

SPEAKER_00

And I don't yeah, I don't understand her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

As a mom who's been through some childbirth and some very rough times mentally, I kind of know where she's coming from, like to feel undervalued. However, I feel like I think she was focusing a lot on that picture.

SPEAKER_01

That's exactly what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03

And that kind of set her off. And I want to be like, girl, now, wait a minute, because who cares? Yeah, he was in a picture with a girl.

SPEAKER_01

That's the thing. Because if you ain't even a makeup girl, you really need to hush. You just in your feelings.

SPEAKER_03

So I'm not a makeup girl, but I would have liked that. Just just for future references. But um, okay, so wait. She says, um, so top it off the company took a photo of them together, smiling with the gift for everyone to see. The perfect husband making another woman's day. While he's posing for the photo and playing gentleman, I'm at home taking care of his son, cleaning house, preparing his dinner, exhausted. My eyes instantly filled with tears. So that's when she mentions it then. And then she mentions it again. Oh, in other words, his own his ego and what other people think matters more than mine. Now there's this photo out here on the internet. Yeah, I feel like in a lot of places she was focused on that daggone thing. And then at the very end, she said, I feel awful and guilty for feeling so much anger, but I just can't forget that photo.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. It's the photo for her. It had nothing to do with the daggone makeup box.

SPEAKER_03

Yo, I I don't know. I thought it was crazy. Okay. Last, I don't know. Should we end it here? Or do you want this last uh topic? I mean, if you got one more, you might as well get it on out. Excuse me, while the getting is getting good. So, Dre, let's talk about Tuskegee University has banned the presence of bonnets, do-rags, and pajamas on their campus. As a college graduate of an HBC. So, one I would have to ask you, when you were a shortcut, fade, would you wear a do-rag to the cafeteria? Yes. Would you wear a do-rag to a football game? Yes. Would you wear a do-rag to a classroom?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, there was some professors who would allow it and some wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03

But So it's safe to say you are a do-rag wearer.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Now, on the flip side, I am someone who wears a bonnet in the house. Um, usually from the time I step in the house, my bonnet is on because I don't like stuff to get into my locks. But I don't wear bonnets nowhere else. I'm not wearing no bonnet to no grocery store, I'm not wearing it to the cafeteria, I'm not wearing it to class. I I do not wear a bonnet outside. Now, this weekend, I cut the grass in a bonnet. That's different because I want grass flying in my hair. But I'm if I'm leaving, it's not happening.

SPEAKER_01

To me, bonnets is like a pajama type thing. So people were wearing pajamas to class? Now that's crazy work.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, kids wear pajamas to high school. Now, this is what I was gonna ask you too. What do you mean by bonnets are like pajamas? Because bonnets are just to preserve your hair, which is the same thing that a do-rag is for. Do-rags were created, not for fashion. No, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01

They were created your way. But they for me, I were for fashion. Okay, and it matched my outfit. I get that, and I had to fit it on top. So you really only seen some of my do-rag.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, but I'm just saying that it's not the intended purpose.

SPEAKER_01

But I'll just try and tell you when I came, I came legit. You know how I was don't over here.

SPEAKER_03

But as a business professional.

SPEAKER_01

I never was to my business classes.

SPEAKER_03

If you but as a business professional, you go on the campus of North Carolina Central University for a job fair, and some boy walks up to you and he's talking to you about your particular organization, and he's wearing a do-rag. What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_01

I I'm I'm interested in what he has to say. I that's all I'm thinking about.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you. So there is this conundrum of where is it acceptable to wear pajamas? Where is it acceptable to wear a do-rag? Where is it acceptable to wear a bonnet?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Where is it acceptable acceptable to wear your house slippers to? So here's my thing. These children, one, if we're talking about college setting, they left their home, and college is their home.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

I think about me in 2003, moving on the campus of North Carolina Central University. That's my home.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

The calf is my kitchen. Class is, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm walking. So to be in the cafeteria and maybe I got ready for breakfast and I go in my pajamas. If my pajamas are acceptable, meaning they're not showing anything, they're not too scandalous, I'm in there fixing me a waffle the same way I would in my damn house.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I I mean, I get the intent of the school, but they are stripping.

SPEAKER_03

So in the dialogue, what Tuskegee University stated was that it was it was almost that scenario uh that scenario you give them inch, you take they take them out. So instead of some young ladies wearing just pajama clothes, now they're wearing lingerie to the calves.

SPEAKER_02

Oh shit, of course.

SPEAKER_03

I kind of understand it. Yeah, because baby, you went from wearing some pants and a Tweety Bird t-shirt or to breakfast to now we are wearing lace negligee and half your butt cheeks are hanging out. And I'm just trying to.

SPEAKER_01

They was wearing that to the calf?

SPEAKER_03

To eat breakfast and waffles.

SPEAKER_01

Baby, what are we doing? Y'all, this new generation. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_03

Are you just are you stripping or are you coming here for education? Are you what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01

You can't, you gotta, yeah, you can't do that, ma'am.

SPEAKER_03

So on one side, I see it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because you're taking it too far. It wasn't just your regular pajamas.

SPEAKER_01

On the flip side, the dudes probably wearing do-rads and and white beaters and and shorts of class. Like, like I said, there was never me. My do-rad complimented my shoes, my shirt I had on. And you could never see it.

SPEAKER_03

It like it was But who told you that it wasn't acceptable to wear it to business class? Or why didn't you wear it to business class?

SPEAKER_01

I know. I knew it wasn't. What you? Because I knew like we we had a dress code for business class, and so we had different forums.

SPEAKER_03

So how is this any different than the university saying now we have a dress code on our campus? Not just your class, but now the whole campus has a dress code.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, if they do, it is what it is, but like you said, this is my home. Yeah. They can't be themselves doing that.

SPEAKER_03

And so what Tuskegee University said was inside the dormitory, you can wear what you want to wear. But when you step out of the dormitory, you're in the real world, and I need you to look like a Tuskegee University. Because now we have potential families coming here to see the campus, and you're walking around in your negle J or your bonnet, and you look like to the camp. Yeah. Even on Fried Chicken Wednesdays?

SPEAKER_01

Because you know there was a fashion show.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I just want to say I got a problem with that because now you want me to like not necessarily get dressed up, but maybe they're wearing a bonnet to the calf for fried chicken, because I don't want my hair to smell like chicken grease.

SPEAKER_01

I it's that yeah, they I they overdoing it to me. And I like I say I understand what they're trying to get these these young kids to do, but damn I sound old. Young kids.

SPEAKER_03

Young kids. So the only problem that I really had with the C university is when they got to this part, they talked about being respected by all races and how they wanted their children, their students to be respected. When they present their class of 2026, their class of 2027, they wanted to be notified as you know, or or signified whatever, as the elite. I want to be respected.

SPEAKER_01

That tells me everything I need to know about the the people or the group who implemented this.

SPEAKER_03

Somebody said just easy done came a long way, because what?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You can't respect your way into white people.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that I write that right there tell me everything I need to know.

SPEAKER_03

You cannot respect your way into white people.

SPEAKER_01

Now this makes sense. Now this whole thing makes sense.

SPEAKER_03

White people are respected by default. But you as a black person cannot respect your way into white.

SPEAKER_01

Well, back in our grandparents' days, all they wore was suits and dresses.

SPEAKER_03

Now and look how they were treated. But I'm not gonna lie to you, they were sharp. However, guess what? There's people of in nooses hanging from trees in three-piece suits. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

So guess what? We cannot respect your way. Yeah, that little piece right there tell me everything I needed to know about the uh you had people.

SPEAKER_03

Think about uh um the Birmingham uh four or five.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Them little girls is in a Sunday's best. Hair rollers, beautiful dresses, nice lace socks, and you still blew them up.

SPEAKER_01

Yep, they told me everything.

SPEAKER_03

You cannot respect your way into white people. And why are they the standard?

SPEAKER_01

And why is it the standard? We at a HB. Let us do us. Let us do us.

SPEAKER_03

So I began to look in the comments to all the TV posts, and somebody said that I don't see nobody policing what them people wear at them PWI.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Them kids don't even bathe properly. They come into school musty, clothes on from yesterday. One of my co-corers went to a school that I won't name, but she went to the school and she said, I remember this boy coming to class smelling like throw up because he was hung over and threw up on his clothes, and he still came to class smelling like that. And nobody said anything. It was just acceptable. Because what? But y'all have been worried about me trying to preserve my locks under this block with this bonnet because I don't want to offend my wife. People. What?

SPEAKER_01

That last comment you said about respect told me everything I needed to know.

SPEAKER_03

We want our our students to be respected by all races. What? Huh. Interesting. Now I'm gonna ask you this, since we're on the topic. Is there any place that you don't think a bonnet is acceptable?

SPEAKER_01

There's a lot of places.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Well, so I don't like the word acceptable. I don't like the words.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, so what word would you use in this place?

SPEAKER_01

And so I feel like women can wear whatever, especially black women can wear whatever they want whenever they want. However, I hate to see them jokers in the airports. Good God Almighty. I don't know why. I just I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

SPEAKER_03

So let me tell you this. The airport is one of the dirtiest places that you're gonna be in.

SPEAKER_01

I know, and I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

You want me to get on this plane with no cabin pressure?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know why.

SPEAKER_03

Well, folks is coughing and see because I can actually, now I've never worn a bonnet to the airport, because baby, no.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_03

But I can actually see it at the airport more than I can see it anywhere else. Because when I wear a bonnet, it is to preserve my hair.

SPEAKER_01

I hate to see it in grocery stores.

SPEAKER_03

Now, now let me tell you something. You want to burn my motor? I can't stay like a food line, a wedding.

SPEAKER_01

It's more because I'm I'm not a woman, so I I don't understand the bonnet thing. But if I take it back to the do-rags, when I was you used to wear do rags, I could literally wear it everywhere. Everywhere.

SPEAKER_03

Because for you it was a fashion thing.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

And in my things, so and and I think the I guess the point I'm trying to make is people think of these things as different because in my eyes, a do-rag is to preserve your ways.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

You're somebody who's trying to get your ways. And so you don't need to wear that 24 hours a day. So why my question would be why this man got that on in Walmart? I mean, like, he can't put it on when he go to bed. Yeah. But you are saying now, maybe he got that on because it matches shoes and brings his outfit together.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

My comeback to that is that sounds like something people. Are we in the ATL? Because I don't want to do that here.

SPEAKER_01

Most of the time when I see the people with the bonnets on, they got on the pajamas.

SPEAKER_03

I'm like pajamas and bed slippers. And I'm just going here and say it. Wear what you want to wear. I could care less. But guess what? You're going to wear what you want to wear, and I'm going to think what I want to think. Because as soon as I walk in that store and I see you in the pajama pants and that bonnet and the bedroom shoes, I think you ain't took a bath all day. Your breath stink. Your butt stink. You ain't showered.

SPEAKER_01

And so to that aspect, if they was showing up the class like that, I get it. Like, do better.

SPEAKER_03

Do better.

SPEAKER_01

Do and same with the dudes. If you got on do rads in the tank tie and a pair of rebuck classes, do better. Yeah. Y'all didn't catch that. Y'all catch money. Y'all call it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I called it.

SPEAKER_01

I know you caught it. But do but if you, like I said, you dressed to like you couldn't nobody touch me, Jack. You remember me on. You remember me. Oh my gosh. You remember me, Jack. That's how I was pulling them. But yeah, like, I don't, I don't, I don't, I just, I just can't.

SPEAKER_03

I feel almost, I feel bad though, because there's other scenarios. So are you somebody who thinks that there are time and places to wear different outfits?

SPEAKER_01

What you mean?

SPEAKER_03

So like when you attend church service, what do you wear?

SPEAKER_01

Church clothes.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, what are church clothes? Is that jeans and a t-shirt? They can be. Is that a do-rag? Is that a three-piece suit?

SPEAKER_01

No, I wouldn't wear no do-rag up in church.

SPEAKER_03

Why? Because you it match your outfit. Maybe your do-rag match your clothes.

SPEAKER_01

I wouldn't wear my because I wouldn't wear my outfit I wore on campus to church.

SPEAKER_03

Why?

SPEAKER_01

Because it's not church clothes.

SPEAKER_03

Who told you what church clothes was?

SPEAKER_01

The older black folk when I was growing up.

SPEAKER_03

And why do you think they told you that?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I'm now there's new folks say come as you come.

SPEAKER_03

So now come as you come.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, come as you are.

SPEAKER_03

That ain't the new folks. That's all folks.

SPEAKER_01

I mean actually.

SPEAKER_03

But I just I think that I don't, I never want to be somebody to police people.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03

I always tell people wear whatever you're comfortable in. But also know that by wearing that you're gonna get judged.

SPEAKER_01

You just judge it. If you somebody who don't want to get judged, you might want to put on what is the appropriate attire for the door and the bonnet and and your your teddy just slanging. I'm like, girl, you could do that.

SPEAKER_03

I seen somebody today in Walmart in a bonnet and pajama pants and pajama top, and it looked dirty. And I said, Oh, she and here stealing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

First thing I thought. I said, Oh, she's still. Me and my child, we moved far away from her because they only need to think I wanted to.

SPEAKER_01

She had on some uh coochie uh cutters. I was like, lady. Lady, where you think you at lady?

SPEAKER_03

At the club. I just sometimes I be wanting to tell people, like, it's a time and place for everything. But in saying such, we say that there's a time and place for such, and you know, Walmart may not be a time and place for that. Who's to say why you're trying to obtain a higher education that that's not the place for it either? Um, I definitely was raised in a household where my mom told me your bedclothes are for the house. And when you step outside and go somewhere, we're not wearing no pajamas.

SPEAKER_01

I would never wear my bed clothes to go to go to class. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03

Now I remember taking our kids to school one day.

SPEAKER_01

Even for my eight o'clock classes. Listen, baby, I'm gonna have something done. Eight o'clock, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I left the house, you know, a little while back, and I was in the car. And I just didn't even think, and I still had my bonnet on. Baby, I got to that daycare, and when I tell you I slid that bonnet off and shook my hair because you will, I'm not taking my child to school or for daycare.

SPEAKER_01

And I don't want parents that show up to school and bonnets where they like I don't do your baby like that. Y'all tough.

SPEAKER_03

Your baby is embarrassed. They don't want to say nothing, but they embarrassed. Even if they don't know it, they embarrassed. Loki, if you don't get off my couch. But yeah. So, uh, listeners, if you are listening, if y'all got any tips for how to get dogs to uh use the bathroom in a certain area and not get on your couch, please write us. I know that was wrong. Yeah, because I need him to use the bathroom in one area of our yard and not the whole yard. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because you made it sound like he was doing it in the house.

SPEAKER_03

Oh no, he he's potty trained. He doesn't do it in-house. I'm sorry if that was what that sounded like. But I am going to uh talk to our trainer and ask her, how do I get him to use the bathroom in just one corner of the yard?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I gotcha.

SPEAKER_03

Um, because he is killing my grass and I'm tired of picking up poop. And I don't even had to do it maybe twice since we had the dog. So I know you might got to be upset. And then I don't know why this dog thinks he can get up on my couch. I mean, you would probably I probably just need to give in and let him do it, but it gets on my nerves. But, anyways, um, I hope that something we have said triggers you guys to write in. Tell us how you feel about these bonnets and do-rags and pajamas. If y'all think that that husband was wrong because he done gave that makeup kit to that woman at that job, tell us about it. Ain't nothing wrong with us. That man needs to think about his wife first.

SPEAKER_01

Or if you're looking for a Christian-based Chinese restaurant, something wrong with you.

SPEAKER_03

Or if you look for a Christian-based Chinese restaurant, hit me up because I actually found one.

SPEAKER_01

Please do y'all.

SPEAKER_03

And you know where it's at? Inhale. Anywho, because they don't exist. What? Matter of fact, I should go.

SPEAKER_01

I need y'all to read a book.

SPEAKER_03

I really need to go to a Chinese restaurant.

SPEAKER_01

I need y'all to read a book.

SPEAKER_03

Are you guys Christians?

SPEAKER_01

Get on some history.

SPEAKER_03

They would kick me out of it.

SPEAKER_01

Read a history book, please. But figure out which countries are Christians and why.

SPEAKER_03

If you agree that your baby daddy needs to pay for your lights to stay on, write in and tell us why. Because we want to know about it. See, we are open to all suggestions. And maybe you're a side piece who thinks it's acceptable to stay in that woman's house even though she's got a terminal illness. Write in. You can find us on Facebook, guys, Instagram. We are at Unfiltered Spot. That is Unfiltered Spot. You can write in. We are at unfiltered spot at gmail.com. That is unfiltered spot at gmail.com. I will put all of our handles below in the captions. You can see who Dre and Jack are on our personal handles as well as our um link tree, which will take you to all of our unfiltered spot links. And then to next episode. Bye.